Couples counselling is an effective tool in helping partners in a relationship to reconnect, resolve conflicts, and build better communication skills, which can ultimately strengthen the relationship.
A couple may go to relationship therapy sessions for a number of reasons, whether to resolve ongoing arguments, work through big life transitions, or learn how to deal with personal emotions in a partnership. But is couples counselling really enough to save a relationship?
Couples counselling can be the turning point in relationships, where parties have been unable to work together to resolve ongoing issues. However, the effectiveness of couples counselling really comes down to the willingness of both parties to be vulnerable, be open to the process, and commit to rebuilding their relationship together.
What is couples counselling?
It is natural for couples to face hardship, disagree, or have conflicting ideologies in a relationship – it’s how we deal with these issues that truly matters. However, most of us do not have the tools or skills to effectively work together through these hardships and conflicts as a partnership, which can result in emotional detachment, arguments, isolation, and a loss of connection and intimacy.
A relationship psychologist or marriage counsellor can help to address challenges in a relationship by helping partners communicate effectively and reconnect emotionally. While every relationship is different, generally, the aim of relationship counselling is to help a couple move towards rebuilding and restoring a safe and secure environment for their relationship to thrive.
Can couples counselling save a relationship?
Yes, couples counselling can save a relationship. Seeing a relationship psychologist can improve understanding and communication, help to work through unresolved issues and concerns, create a safe and supportive environment, and encourage couples to be more empathetic towards one another.
A counselling session also gives the opportunity to open up with each other, with a third party – not to have the psychologist take one person’s ‘side’, but to be completely honest and upfront in feelings with the guidance of a professional.
The success of couples counselling depends on each individual’s willingness to go through the process. Couples who come to counselling with an openness to criticism and learning, are vulnerable, accept change, and are committed to counselling, have a higher chance of saving their relationship.
Reasons for couples to see a relationship psychologist
As mentioned, it’s perfectly normal for every couple to see a few bumps in the road – life’s challenges can naturally impact and make relationships difficult at any one time. However, couples may choose to seek out professional counselling when they are unable to get past these challenges, and are dealing with recurring arguments, communication issues, or loss of connection. While it’s often framed in movies as a ‘last-ditch’ effort to fix a relationship, couples choose relationship counselling is also for the everyday couple who love each other and want to work through these issues and build a healthier, more resilient relationship for the future.
Seeing a relationship therapist or counsellor is not just about solving an immediate problem, but also about helping couples to reconnect and feel more secure in working through future issues in the relationship.
Common reasons for seeing a professional couples counsellor include:
- Ongoing conflict issues: Counsellors or therapists help couples to work through conflicts and arguments in a calm, empathetic way that allows each person to look at the conflict from a different lense.
- Fertility issues: A relationship psychologist can help couples dealing with fertility issues and the strain fertility can have on the relationship.
- Infidelity: While it may seem impossible to rebuild a relationship after an affair, counselling can help couples to heal and regain trust in the relationship.
- Parenting: A psychologist can provide strategies, techniques, or even just the support needed to create healthy family dynamics.
- Stress: Counselling provides tools to help balance stress and emotions in the relationship.
- Life transition: Counselling can help couples learn to compromise and manage big and small life transitions.
- Intimacy issues: Therapists can help couples to work through intimacy issues and strengthen their physical and emotional connection.
- Trauma and grief: Counsellors help the couple work through trauma and grief together, whether from an accident, a loss, or the impacts of childhood trauma.
What does a couples counselling session look like?
Couples counselling is a safe space where each party can discuss their relationship concerns. During each counselling session, the relationship therapist will allow each person to talk through their emotions in a way that is both productive and honest. A psychologist or counsellor will be completely impartial – and is often there to structure the conversations in a healthy way, teaching each partner how to actively listen to and understand each other.
The initial or first few sessions may be used to help each party unburden themselves and talk openly. Over time, the psychologist will use sessions to take these voiced issues, and provide a different perspective, or learnings that each party can take away – whether it be around improved communication, practicing empathy, or learning to lean on and support each other.
Both people in the relationship typically attend couples or marriage counselling sessions together; however, individual sessions may be required as part of the process. Couples counselling sessions involve open discussions, practical exercises, and the development of new skills to practice between appointments.
Does marriage or couples counselling always work?
A 2023 study by the Journal of Martial and Family Therapy found that evidence-based couples therapy has a 70 to 90% success rate for couples. However, marriage or couples counselling does not necessarily work for every relationship. When a relationship is too far beyond saving, it’s often one or more of the following reasons:
- Persistent disrespect
- Emotional or physical abuse
- Unwillingness to change or learn
- Repeated acts that breach loyalty and trust, like infidelity
- When at least one person is already detached from the other
Wrapping up
Yes – a qualified couples counsellor or therapist backed by experience and the right training has a significantly higher chance of pulling a relationship back from the brink. However, couples therapy is not necessarily just for the relationship needs ‘saving’. More often than not, as relationship psychologists, we work with couples who simply want to nurture their relationships and ensure that each party is showing up in the way that their partner needs them to.
A qualified relationship counsellor or therapist uses evidence-based techniques and tools to resolve issues and build a supportive relationship. If you’re interested in speaking to a relationship psychologist who can work through your concerns, get in touch with our team to book into our Brisbane clinic, or to book an appointment via Telehealth.
