Every relationship is different. Different couples react to diverse approaches in making their relationship work. Though all of these are different from one another; the goal is same – the desire to have a happy relationship. But, how often do people succeed in doing this? In many cases its not on their own, and they look for assistance in the form of couples counselling.
“Don’t worry if I fight with you, it means I still expect something; worry when I stop fighting, it means nothing is left to fight for.” Rite or wrong many believe this is and at the end of the day if you are fighting there must be something worth hanging onto or you would just walk away. Having the tools to move forward and process the pain of the past is the real challenge.
Why do couples fight?
“Why can’t we get along?” The daunting question in failing relationship
Dissatisfaction – If you are to examine the root cause of all conflicts and troubles. Dissatisfaction goes a long way to explaining how partners in broken relationships feel. From unfulfilled expectations, desire, need, pointing out mistakes to giving up on the relationship. It all comes down to one aspect. You are not satisfied with the other person in the relationship.
According to the Australian statistics Bureau, every year at least 33% of couples split up.
71% of the couples in a relationship have ‘affective issues’, it means having to do with emotions or moods. Affective disorders are characterized by mood swings. It can be tricky to remember the difference between effective and affective (but easier than distinguishing between effect and affect). Examples of affective disorders are depression and Bipolar.
What are the major problems in the relationship?
The base of every relation is effective communication which may over time become more difficult. Why? Stress about so many things in life may be taking its toll on their personal relationship. They hardly get time to talk and discuss about themselves or amongst each other.
Fact: Every year 27% of couple with affective issues are a victim of communication gap.
Both physical and mental connection is necessary to have a healthy bond. Initially, during the ‘honeymoon period’ there is plenty of connection. Gradually over time both persons in a relationship may try to take control over the other.
You may try realising the fact that relationships are about ‘we’, not ‘you’ and ‘I’. If you realise this, then you might not fall into the 21% category of couples having a lack of connection.
Infidelity. 20% of the couples who visit for relationship counselling complain of having trust issues. Just close your eyes and think once; why do you believe that your partner is cheating? There can be two possible reasons –
- You think you are not good enough and your partner deserves better. And your partner feels the same for which he/she chooses to go around with others.
- Because you are cheating, you feel your partner has the tenacity to do the same.
In either case, It might help you to resolve the issue. If both partners are losing confidence in their relationship, then counseling might help them.
Now, if these three are the cause of the problem, they may lead to anger, ego, stubbornness, pride, jealousy and so much more. This disrupts a relation further.
What are the other common problems in a relationship?
When you just start losing interest in each other, over time without working at it. Things can feel uncomfortable and less exciting which could impact the level of intimacy.
Nothing about each other excites you anymore.
When one person is more successful, it may feel that the successful person is trying to take more control. It may not even be a intentional act but by the very nature of one being successful. The other may feel they are smaller in the shadow of success.
Drugs or alcohol problems: Addictions are a difficult thing to manage in a relationship. An addictive person always tends to have an obsession for something or the other ie drugs or alcohol. This obsession may take the focus off the relationship and put it more on the partners desire to escape and self medicate. There are so many problems that can arise with addictions. Examples range from diverting family resources to the purchase drugs or alcohol leaving one in a self medicated state. That state may cause the person to become irresponsible, unreliable and untrustworthily. Family members may feel let down or ashamed by this behaviour.
When you start disrespecting one another, it’s a receipt for pushing away from each other.
Ghost of past relationship:
You have to stop evaluating and comparing your present relationship with one with your past partner. Its easy to forget the wrong things that happened and reflect on the good times. There is a reason why it is your ‘past’, don’t forget that.
In this case, don’t compromise. Remember, your dignity and safety comes before everything. If you cant get your partner to talk instead of being abusive its time to think about getting away and getting some perspective.
If you find you are dealing with some of these issues and its causing you distress; you may need to make a decision. Are the fights and compromise worth it? If you are not sure, then try the following.
Couples counselling – One solution that might help!
Couples therapy with a psychologist can be of great way to assist in dealing with some of these issues. Psychologists will understand the dynamics and stress. As a result will provide practical solutions to resolve the problems. Here are few ways to which a Brisbane psychologist may help:
- They help couples to be more accepting towards each other.
- Counselling can help address major issues in a relationship and provide an impartial space to work things out.
- A psychologist can help you improve communication skills and encourage you to open up with each other.
- Therapy can also teach to you accept or handle your personal issues which affect the relationship.
- If there is any psychological problem like anxiety or depression, psychologists can help deal with issue after issue which should help make both partners feel better.
If you still remember how happy you used to be and want to try moving back to that place. You may want to consider getting professional help. A Brisbane Psychologist may help you get the relationship back on track. If you want to talk to someone about how to start the process call 3211 1117. One of our staff will talk to you and help make an appointment to see someone.