Self-esteem is a core part of our individual identity — it’s how we view ourselves; how much worth we place in who we are, and what we do. High levels of self-esteem usually equate to someone who is generally comfortable, confident, and accepting of themselves and their own abilities. Low self-esteem on the other hand, can mean that someone is overly critical of themselves and simply cannot see their own positive qualities.
As psychologists, helping our clients to regain and build self-esteem is a huge part of most general counselling. Where it can seem trivial to some, poor self-esteem is genuinely a huge, widespread issue among adolescents and adults – one that can impact our work, relationships with others, and ultimately, the relationship with ourselves.
What causes low self esteem?
Low self-esteem has many causes, some of which include:
- Experiences of critical treatment from authority figures like parents or teachers throughout childhood
- Stressful life situations such as financial issues or a breakdown in a relationship
- Mental health issues such as depression or anxiety disorder
- Poor performance at school or work
Each of these factors can cause can individual to see themselves in a negative light, which may eventually contribute to the development of low self-esteem over time.
How self esteem affects other areas of life
The effects of low self-esteem can cause individuals to experience a poorer quality of life — people with low self-esteem have a higher likelihood of experiencing more negative thoughts and feelings that fuel self-criticism, spreading like wild-fire to affect the rest of their lives.
Someone with low self-esteem may place very little focus on their self-care needs, or even ignore them outright. This can affect personal hygiene and health, or pose a risk of causing harm to themselves, whether directly or indirectly.
Low self-esteem can also result in unhealthy relationships – individuals may choose to put up with negative or even abusive behaviour from others because they do not feel that they are worthy of a fulfilling, healthy relationship.
Can counselling help with poor self esteem?
Yes, counselling for self-esteem is one of the most effective ways to safely manage, understand, and even treat the issue! Counselling for self-esteem can help individuals regain a healthy perspective of themselves and experience a better quality of life.
The link between low self-esteem and mental health
Low self-esteem is often confused with having a low level of self-confidence — while both share some similarities of being uncertain of personal ability, self-confidence is contextual, meaning that the same person can have different levels of self-confidence based on the situation they are facing. Self-esteem is rooted deeply in a person’s beliefs about themselves and can be very difficult to change.
Self-esteem impacts every single part of our lives, from the way we make major life decisions, to our relationships, and our mental and emotional states. Studies show that low self-esteem is linked to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse and addiction, self-harm, and eating disorders.
Having low self-esteem can make individuals feel the need to cope with their insecurity and poor sense of self-worth by engaging in behaviour that can end up being more harmful to their physical and mental states. For example, a teenager with low self-esteem may have a poor body image and develop an eating disorder like bulimia nervosa to try and “correct” their body weight.
Low self-esteem is more common among teens and adolescents — a study published by the National Library of Medicine estimates that up to 50% of adolescents suffer from low self-esteem. Individuals’ self-esteem generally increases as they mature into adulthood, but it is also possible for the root cause of low self-esteem to linger and cause adults to suffer from low esteem as well.
What does counselling for self-esteem help with?
Self-esteem counselling works by providing individuals with the opportunity to understand and eventually change the way they see themselves.
By attending regular sessions for self-esteem counselling, individuals can experience benefits in the long term like:
- A healthy perception of oneself
- Increased self-confidence and self-worth
- Better mental health and reduced symptoms of related conditions
- Stronger and more genuine relationships with your loved ones and peers
- Greater clarity of mind when making important decisions
- Increased capability at work or at school
When should someone seek counselling for self-esteem?
It’s difficult to know when to seek help. For many with low self esteem, it’s easy to get used to the feelings of unworthiness, and therefore, not fully understand that it’s not normal or healthy to be this critical of yourself.
- Being overly critical of your thoughts, actions, and self
- Having negative self-talk
- Placing little focus on personal achievements
- Comparing oneself to others to highlight personal weaknesses
- Thinking that you don’t deserve to have good things or to be loved
- Avoiding challenges due to a fear of failure
- Finding it difficult to make friends or socialise
What’s involved during a self-esteem counselling session?
In counselling for self-esteem, a psychologist will create a safe space to encourage you to share your thoughts and views on yourself. By analysing the trends and information shared, psychologists help to break down the individual beliefs and values that form your self-concept — this will help to gain a greater understanding of how low-self-esteem is affecting your life. In many cases, the therapist will also help you discover the causes of your low self-esteem and guide you towards healing and processing these experiences.
Self-esteem counselling will then shift toward helping you change the way you see and value yourself. Therapists apply a wide range of exercises and practices to achieve this, from teaching you how to show compassion to yourself, to focusing on your personal strengths and what you can control rather than fixating on mistakes and weaknesses.
Self-esteem is a deep-seated part of your psyche, and it’s important to realise that changing it will take time. Many causes of low self-esteem are a result of negative experiences during the formative years of an individual, such as bullying, inadequate support from your family, or cases of physical and mental abuse.
Your therapist will communicate clearly with you about your progress, and you should likewise communicate any successes or challenges that come your way. You will be advised to set simple goals for yourself, and plan to work toward them to create a healthier perspective of your own abilities. During counselling sessions, therapists may also apply targeted treatments from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to help you deal with the innermost sources of low self-esteem.
